The Words from A Parent Which Helped Me during my time as a First-Time Father

"In my view I was simply trying to survive for a year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea cast member Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the difficulties of being a father.

Yet the truth rapidly turned out to be "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Severe health complications around the birth saw his partner Louise admitted to hospital. All of a sudden he was thrust into acting as her primary caregiver while also taking care of their infant son Leo.

"I handled each nighttime feed, every nappy change… every walk. The role of mother and father," Ryan stated.

Following nearly a year he reached burnout. That was when a chat with his parent, on a public seat, that made him realise he needed help.

The straightforward words "You are not in a good spot. You need support. In what way can I support you?" paved the way for Ryan to talk openly, seek support and regain his footing.

His experience is not uncommon, but seldom highlighted. While the public is now better used to talking about the pressure on moms and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the difficulties new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to seek assistance

Ryan thinks his difficulties are symptomatic of a wider failure to communicate amongst men, who often internalise negative perceptions of masculinity.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and stays upright time and again."

"It isn't a show of being weak to seek help. I didn't do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, says men can be reluctant to acknowledge they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not justified to be asking for help" - most notably ahead of a mother and child - but she highlights their mental state is just as important to the unit.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the chance to ask for a pause - going on a couple of days abroad, away from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He realised he needed to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions in addition to the practical tasks of caring for a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd missed "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That realisation has transformed how Ryan perceives parenthood.

He's now composing Leo regular notes about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will see as he gets older.

Ryan believes these will assist his son to more fully comprehend the language of emotion and make sense of his approach to fatherhood.

The concept of "reparenting" is something musician Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also strongly identified with since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen did not have stable male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" relationship with his dad, profound difficult experiences meant his father struggled to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their connection.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "bad actions" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as escapism from the anguish.

"You find your way to substances that are harmful," he says. "They might briefly alter how you feel, but they will ultimately make things worse."

Strategies for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - when you are swamped, tell a family member, your spouse or a professional how you're feeling. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel less alone.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the activities that allowed you to feel like the person you were before becoming a parent. This might be playing sport, socialising or gaming.
• Don't ignore the physical health - a good diet, staying active and where possible, resting, all play a role in how your mind is doing.
• Meet other first-time fathers - hearing about their experiences, the messy ones, as well as the positive moments, can help to validate how you're feeling.
• Understand that requesting help isn't failing - looking after you is the best way you can support your loved ones.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen expectedly had difficulty processing the passing, having been out of touch with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's committed not to "continue the chain" with his child and instead offer the stability and emotional guidance he missed out on.

When his son starts to have a outburst, for example, they practise "shaking the feelings out" together - managing the frustrations safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen say they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their struggles, transformed how they communicate, and learned to control themselves for their sons.

"I have improved at… sitting with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I expressed that in a letter to Leo last week," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I think my job is to guide and direct you what to do, but the truth is, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning as much as you are in this journey."